女兒妒忌心

s1008565

我的大女對剛出世的細女顯示出很強的妒忌心.每當我抱着細女的時候,大女就做出各種反叛性的行為,有時大哭,有時故意掉玩具.但她同時也很庝愛細妹.如何才能安抚大女這種心理.

jacko

您好。首先，大女兒有時妒忌妹妹，其實是很正常的表現。試想想：未有妹妹之前，本來爸爸媽媽的焦點和資源，都集中在大女身上的。現在突然多了一個人，分散了爸爸媽媽的焦點和資源，大女是不是會覺得有點不開心？所以，雖然細女較少，比較需要多點的關心，但千萬別因此忽略了大女的需要喔！

其實，大女是愛妹妹的，只是有時妒忌心起，覺得有點不快而已。只要您就以下建議，處理得宜，相信大女不開心的情況會慢慢減少的。

就您的情況，我會建議：


1) 父母分別也定期抽時間與大女單獨相處，並告訴小朋友她在爸爸媽媽心目中，是獨一無二的，讓小朋友認為焦點和資源被分散的感覺減低。大女兒喜歡做什麼？計劃一下，單獨陪一陪她吧。

2) 給小朋友多點機會照顧BB﹝如餵BB吃東西、協助幫BB換片等﹞，讓她建立作為姐姐的責任感及風範。有了姐姐的風範，會較少吃BB的醋。

3) 公平看待兩個孩子的需要，如買東西給BB時，亦要考慮買給姐姐。


另外，讓我嘗試解釋一下小朋友「變來變去」的原因。原來在我們的腦裡面，有兩個很重要的部分：前額葉和杏仁核。簡單而言，前額葉負責分析思考和控制情緒，而杏仁核則負責情緒反應。

有趣的是，負責情緒反應的杏仁核在我們一出世時，已經成熟而且發揮作用了；而負責控制情緒的前額葉，則要待至18或以上，才變得完全成熟。所以，小朋友幾分鐘前妒忌妹妹，大哭、故意掉玩具，幾分鐘後又疼妹妹，主要原因是他的前額葉讓未成熟，未有能力控制情緒，所以給情緒主導了他的行為決定。分鐘前妒忌妹妹，憤怒、大哭；情緒過了，思考能力回復正常，便記得面前的，是她最愛的妹妹。所以，姐姐「變來變去」的行為，亦是正常的，請放心。

jackieee

Dont' worry CY. This is a stage but will pass. I used to have such problem with my daughter arrived 1.5 years ago, and my son was so rebellious that we had a lot of tension in the relationship.  He intentionally peed in his pants and on the carpet, refused to have breakfast or go to school, went hysterical whenever he was told to do something he didn't want to do.  I was so upset but had to understand the relationship is very delicate at that point and tried my best to patiently explain to him things he did wrong.  At the same time I purposefully planned time with him, took him out for activities that there were just me and him, and involved him in taking care of my daughter, such as asking him to pass me diapers and lotion when changing the baby (he was only 2.5 Y old then) and getting towel and shampoo when bathing the baby.  Even asking him to help twist the milk bottle for mixing the formula in water gave him a great sense of accomplishment and being part of the team to take care of the new born.  The situation slowly got better after 2 - 3 months.  The whole time he never said he disliked his sister, instead he loved her very much, but he didn't like the change and I sensed it.  I think we have to be very sensitive with kids as they are not good at expressing themselves and won't talk about their feelings.  Hope some of these tricks will work for you )  Good Luck!

jacko

另外，避免大女妒忌妹妹，處理孩子的衝突時，除了要避免大女欺負妹妹外，有時妹妹欺負姊姊，您亦要處理得公平一點。

舉個例，如果妹妹搶姊姊的玩具，您便應該跟妹妹說明，搶走姊姊的東西是不能容許的行為，必須馬上停止，並要學習等待請示別人的許可 (我不知道妹妹多少歲。如果妹妹是3歲或以上的話，應該會聽得懂的......當然，聽不聽得進耳是另一個問題.....)。處理妹妹搶姊姊玩具的情況，我建議您可以跟妹妹約法三章，她若再搶姊姊的玩具，便一整天或數小時，都不能再碰這玩具，讓她學習承受後果。

此外，也要跟姊姊解釋，無論任何原因，都不能讓妹妹隨意搶走她的玩具。即使姊姊覺得那些東西無關重要，但重點是「不問便搶」是不應該的，正確的做法是妹妹先要徵得她的同意後，才可以拿走她的東西。這樣可避免妹妹養成不問自取的壞習慣。若有天拿走的是姊姊認為很重要和珍貴的東西，就可能影響姊妹之間的感情。

希望以上例子，會對您有幫助吧。

s1008565

非常多謝您們寶貴的意見,我想我會好好學習處理這種情況.Tks.