求教 -- 如何使女兒不再胡鬧與哭鬧

kenhung

今日, 小女 ( 4years old ) 在朋友家中與其他小朋友一起玩耍時, 把人家的所有玩具都拿出來, 令朋友家的環境十分亂, 其後大約晚上七時, 本人要求小女回家吃飯, 小女當場胡鬧並拍打物件, 最後只好強行帶回家並責罵.
本人雖然明白責罵共不能完全有用, 但實在沒有辦法, 希望有家長能幫助解答
謝謝

makkamchan

我是三名女兒的父親,最年長的正在科大讀書,另外的分別在中小學就讀,我認為你女兒很享受在你友人家裡玩耍,
似乎在陌生地方仍表現得很主動,這是十分好的,問題不大,搞亂人家地方後,離開前你可與她一同把玩具收拾,使她學會把亂子收拾好,起不勝過不弄出亂子嗎?至於地她離開前拍打物件,這反映她未有準備離去,你可在離開前先跟她談好她還有十五或二十分鐘時,若她有心理準備,她的情緒相信會有改善

mablekwan

Hi Ken

My chinese typing is no good, please forgive me in using English to reply you.

Such kind of attitude is so common for kids.  Per my experience, may I suggest the below:-

1) As parents, we need to be "calm" all the time.  Even you are very angry, need to hold your temper until returning home.  Otherwise, the relationship with your daughter will become bad.

2) Try to "negotiate a deal" with your daughter prior to all events that her naughty attitude may appear.  Say in your case below, set up some points in advance, if she can't follow, then there will be punishment to follow (to be discussed in #4 below).  On the otherhand, inside your "deal", don't forget "reinforcement", i.e. some rewards if she can meet the targets.  Rewards can be tangible ro intangible, all depends on your daughter's mentality/interest.

3) If possible, explain the situation to your friend before visiting him/her.  So that to get their cooperations, e.g. not to take out all toys, or from their mouth, ask your daughter to play in a tidy manner.  Usually kids are more obedience to "3rd party" rather than parents.

4) You may use "1-2-3 behaviour method" as punishment for every events.  That is, to give the kid "3 chances" for "each incident".  For the 1st & 2nd chances, just verbally reminding her that she used up 1 or 2 chances already, but NO NEED to punish yet, but after the 3rd chance, the punishment is - to sit at a corner facing the wall for "xx minutes", while xx=her age, in your case is 4 minutes.  During this "time out" period, ask her to think over "why she has to receive this punishment, and how she can improve next time".  This is to train her cognitive attitude, rather than using traditional 責罵 method.  After this punishment, have a brief discussion but avoiding to repeat this anymore.

Hope these helps....

iknorange03

唔使閙佢, 話比佢聽: 「媽媽知你鍾意係度玩，但係我地要返屋企食飯，你玩多十分鐘，我地就走啦﹗」

iknroseb08

I usually use a "timer" in my mobile phone and told my daughter, "you play for 10 more minutes, when the timer ring, we all need to say bye bye to the toys". When the timer rings, my B would sometimes ok to leave with me (it takes practices!), if sometimes not, I'd say, "Let's play clean up" (clean up also let her "touch" the toys for a few more minutes, right? she'd rather do that). And then she'd leave. So my point is, let her have some time to "wind down".

iknroseb08

One more issue: At home, do you let your girl "take all the toys out to play"? If yes, you probably need to train her to play one / two toys at a time, but need to clean up one toy before opening another toy. No need to be extremely strict or it will spoil the fun in playing toys, yet make it a regular pattern so that she understands it's not nice to take all the toys out at the same time.