Any suggestion for me to correct my kid?

myrchan

Every day my father in law brings my kid to kindergarten.
Today, once my kid left school, he ran and ran with his classmate in the corridor outside, not the first time, and I’ve warned him many times.
And this time my father in law fell down when chasing after him.
Although he didn’t hurt seriously, I want to let my kid to reflect on his wrong doing today.
I don’t want to scold at him.
How should I act when I see my kid tonite?
Any suggestion for me to correct my kid?

jackieee

Usually kids love chasing each other and run a lot to let off steam, which is not a bad thing.  However, if you think it's really dangerous to do it in the corridor, you can suggest him to do it in the playground.  For the little episode, I would start by asking him what happened to grandpa who appears to be in pain and hurt. If he said he didn't know (typically he would). I would say I heard that he fell and ask why he fell. If he said he didn't know. I would say I heard he fell because he was trying to stop you from running in the corridor with your classmates as that's dangerous to both you and those who walk by.  Corridor is a passageway for people WALK across from one place to another, not for chasing games.  If you ran too fast and bumped into someone, you or that person might hurt so badly that you might not be able to walk again.  If Grandpa hurt badly, no one would be there to pick you up from school.  So if you want to run with your classmates, it's perfectly OK for you to run and chase in the garden or playground but not the corridor.  Ask him "Can you handle it?".  Usually kids cannot resist saying yes.

rainbowgloria

1# myrchan

你應該已經考慮過很多方法吧！
相信你現在一定很困惱了。
非常欣賞你堅持不責罵小朋友的態度呢！
並不容易的啊！

不過有幾方面想先了解多點呢！
首先，你在唸幼稚園的小朋友有多大呢？
另外，你說已經不是第一次，
請問你是否介意多分享一些你之前的處理方法，
讓我們看看如何可以做得更好呢？
你「警告」的意思是甚麽呢？

wschuianita

我覺得孩子做錯了事, 適當的責備是必須的, 但當然是針對事件, 亦不可以傷害性的說話, 但比較嚴厲的語氣及態度能使小孩了解事情的嚴重性.

你今晚可以帶小朋友去看看祖父的傷害, 問他知不知道祖父為什麼受傷, 讓他明白因為自己只顧跟同學亂跑玩耍, 而使人受傷, 是不對的, 亦是自私, 不為他人設想的行為, 而且, 亂跑其實非常危險, 今次令祖父趺倒受傷, 下次他自己亦可能會趺倒受傷, 又或有其他意外, 所以為人為已都不應這樣做. 然後要他認真的向祖父道歉.

此外你可跟他訂立賞罰規則, 如一星期都可控制自己就有一點小獎勵, 但每一次亂跑都要罰如time out或那天不准看電視. 但獎勵只是作鼓勵作用, 不且太大, 以免變成利誘, 而且, 可以三四星期後, 當不再亂跑成為習慣, 就可以認真大力讚揚小朋友, 並可以解釋給小朋知現在目標已經達到, 媽媽會鼓勵他再訂另一目標, 改善其他方面, 所以他不再亂跑亦不會再有獎勵, 但罰則則繼續, 因為如果再亂跑, 就是明知故犯, 所以要罰得更重.

小小分享, 只希望交流一下, 希望你的孩子僧明白你的一番苦心和關愛, 亦希望祖父早日康復.

myrchan

Action done yesterday nite (Response)

start by asking him what happened to grandpa who appears to be in pain and hurt (keep silience)

say I heard he fell because he was trying to stop you from running in the corridor with your classmates  (keep silence, then told me classmate "invited" him to run together)

explain the danger (keep silience, nodding)

request him to say sorry to grandpa (reluctantly did it)

Questions about kid:

你在唸幼稚園的小朋友有多大呢？ >> 4.5 yr old
另外，你說已經不是第一次，請問你是否介意多分享一些你之前的處理方法，讓我們看看如何可以做得更好呢？ >> explained that's dangerous to himself and others on the pavement
你「警告」的意思是甚麽呢？ >>  if hurt others, other will become unhappy >>  he even hurt himself (kneel bleeding) more than once

P.S. He loves to run, on pavement, on flyover, I'll permit if the condition is safe.

Reward~~

Weekly reward already offered for daily routine, e.g. brush teeth, get up on time, etc.  Will it be too much ?

rainbowgloria

我覺得你的做法很有耐性，
做得很好啊！
另外亦謝謝wschuianita的方法提供，
也是一個不錯的方法呢！

不過我有一個補充，
若果試過以上方法但小朋友沒有改善，
可以在解釋時從後擁抱着小朋友，在耳邊輕聲來説。
因爲父母對4嵗多的小孩來説依然是很重要的人（significant others），
需要父母的愛護。
擁抱着小孩來解釋一方面可以營造溫馨的感覺，
另一方面可以避免小孩誤以爲你是責備他，
若果小孩接受的訊息是你責備他，
自然對你的説話「聽唔入耳」吧！

另外，從你的描述，
看到你的小朋友真的很愛跑動，
應該是一個健康活潑的小寶寶呢！
因此，叫他不要做一些事，也要給他一個替代方法。
若果你只叫他不要亂跑，他也聽不進去啊！
所以我建議你可以在空閒的時候帶小朋友到公園跑跑、走走，
一方面可以讓小朋友有一個跑動的機會，
另一方面可以讓小朋友感受到甚麽地方才是適當跑步的地方。
有機會，不妨一試呢！^^

myrchan

對, 謝謝你和wschuianita提供的方法

我一直以為bb才會喜歡擁抱，謝謝你的提醒啊。
我都識幾招"lum"我孩子的, 營造溫馨的感覺後，確實有助孩子收到訊息。

我試過兩次帶孩子到運動場跑步, 不易樂乎。提一提大家, 原來公共運動場是常開的, 星期天都開, 而且不收費(你地都知啦, 孩子開支已夠大了), 天水圍、葵芳和銅鑼灣的運動場我們都去過, 是很好的場地, 但我住那區竟半個也沒有。大家可趁天氣未算太熱, 帶孩子到運動場跑步。