Dear Dodo, if I were you I would be so glad that my helper was making my son happy and helping him progress in his learning. Its not easy to take care of kids with special needs and it takes a lot of patience and love. I believe you're lucky to have your existing helper. Of course every mother wants his kids to love them most, but if reality doesn't allow us to quit the job and take care of our kids by ourselves, the second best thing is a helper who is loving and caring and has the wisdom to teach our sons. After all your son is an individual who will have to take care of himself in the long run, so the most important thing is for your son to nourish and develop and learn to be independent. When he grows older, he'll learn the difference between you and the helper. I'm sure he knows when you love him and care for him.
Dear Dodo, I totally agreed with Jackieee. I wasn't as lucky as you to have a helper that is so devoted before. I've changed 2 or 3 maids since my first girl born. My girls have learnt lots of bad manners, dishonest, etc from those maids, which caused me headache. My girls don't trust those maids until my existing helper joining our family, whom is caring, responsible and cheerful. I'm gladful to have her with us. My girls' behavour are improving. From my experience, don't let go of your patience and devoted helper. Your son still need love and security. Treasure what you have now and keep a good relationship with your son and helper. Through her, you know more about your son. You both are parents of your child forever and he'll know.
在此首先非常感謝各位家長的意見，大家的建議亦給了自已反省及反思的機會，本人亦非常認同可以陪小孩睡是親密的並可大大增加親子關係，但由於自已患有較嚴重偏頭痛，睡不好容易誘發頭痛而影響工作，故未能自已與小兒同睡，所以平日放工及假期時儘量親力親為及完全不與家傭外出。家傭痛鍚小兒我想是不用置疑的，但我也認為如 Beauty 及 S0905923 所說家傭有時的表現感覺怪怪的，如她會問小兒是否 love 她及常叫小兒 kiss 她，而外婆外公亦曾同本人表示如小兒與他們很親密時家傭好像不太高興，但本人與此家傭共生活3年多，認為其性格較內向及敏感，很容易因為一點小事便會哭。另外，亦感覺家傭其實倚賴小兒，因晚上與小兒睡覺關上門後她會拿出其在菲律賓家人的相薄訴說家中情況。這些本來我們不知的，只是小兒晚上回房後會自已打閞家傭衣櫃說要看誰誰的相簿才知道的。其實本人亦常常提醒自已要理性及中肯地去處理家傭問題，並不要因小兒倚賴她多於自已而對家傭造成偏見，但由於小兒本身有發展障礙，現在同時進行語言治療/職業治療及小組治療。由於並未排到政府的支授服務，故這些治療都是私人治療師在晚上或假日進行，這些都是本人與外子同小孩一起參與，除此平日在家都由本人再加強治療的家居訓練，很可能小兒覺得與父母的相處大部分時間對他很多要求，相反家傭對他則千依百順，故形成小兒更加親近家傭。這點亦是我們覺得較難得到平衡點，一方面希望我們與小孩相處的時間是愉快的，另一方面又覺如果我們與小孩一起時不多教導他自理能力，誰會教導他? 因我們都知道教導小孩不可假手於人，同時，單靠一個星期2-3小時治療是不足夠的。希望小孩長大會明白的，再一次感謝大家花時間對本人情況作出的評論，本人亦覺得另聘他人未必是解決方法，而大家的提點對我都是非常珍貴的。
發表於 2010-3-10 13:57
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家傭愛錫及懂得教導小朋友故然是值得高興，但父母總不能長時間依賴家傭來教養小朋友，長遠小朋友只會跟父母關係愈來愈疏離。小朋友三歲半，絕對分得清楚誰是父母，誰是家傭，只是dodo 的兒子愛家傭更甚於自己的父母。我認為問題的徵結在於親子親係建立得不夠，dodo 可參考 wingcheungbb 及 beauty 談及的方法去增強親子親係。我的小女也是三歲半，我們也是雙職家庭，平日由家傭照顧小女，因此小女跟家傭感情十分要好。但小女更愛我們和喜歡與我們一起，因我們非常注重親子親係。由小女出世開始，餵晚奶、陪睡及洗白白，我們從不假手家傭。我們去街也從不帶家傭，因為我們都想落手落腳照顧小女，辛苦是辛苦，但也十分享受啊！